Memorial

Dearest You,

This week has given us all a breather so we can take a lungful of fresh river water evaporate and smell the algae as it oxygenates the world around us. I have come to the conclusion that we should all start each and every day by making a mental trip down the gorge and feeling the sunlight warm our face as it rises above the river. Without doing this, where are we? Probably at Starbucks and that's an expensive habit.

There is no fountain of youth, but there is a fountain of chocolate and, quite frankly, there is nothing elderly about dipping fruit in it. I can guarantee very little, but I will certainly stand behind my assertion that my friends are much cooler than yours when they are swimming in arctic waters.

Once on a very hot summer day I was told that I could take a frying pan full of water and dump it over my head. When I did so I found that I was quickly cooled by the initial burst of refreshing water, but then burned very badly on the scalp by the sizzling bacon that also occupied the skillet. He who has ears, let him hear...and also let him avoid a fight with Mike Tyson.

Ciao, and remember...he who hopes looks very odd entering a business meeting...or was that "he who hops"?

Dirt Wank

A quizical

Recipient,

Follow me to the land of infinity, a place where Audis have become extinct. Follow me to the land of eternity where no other parfumes may fumigate a single nostril hair. Show me something I don't know and I will show you something that I now know, but didn't know immediately prior to you having showed me that thing. In light of this, please understand that these emails are for the best. Please do not take my thoughts as financial advice, but do invest heavily in the knowledge that what I say is made of pure gold and, further, it weighs 42.8 ounces.

The following is a series of questions designed to promote introspective contemplation. Please answer the following questions for yourself and then consider your answers and what they might mean about how you view life, love and happiness...

1) Would I rather be the water or the raft?
2) If I were a bird would I be Cuckoo or a Dodo?
3) Would I rather own, rent or set someone else's hair on fire?
4) Do I love muffins or is it more of an infatuation?
5) What is my favorite month of the year (January, March, October...) to use public restrooms?
6) Would I rather pop a wheelie or a hemorrhoid?

Now that you have contemplated some of life's most difficult ponderances I would challenge you to forward this to a friend so that they too might learn more about themself and, perhaps, the world around them.

Remember, if Toucan Sam can follow his nose, then Youcan Sam Hell better expect that I demand the same from you. Love Life. Further, do not confuse a quizical with a testicle.

Dirt Wank